Stuck

I had a difficult time coming up with a fear of mine that I could describe to you all. The ones I came up with made sense in my head, but I had a difficult time coming up with a good explanation. I was able to piece together a few sentences in the time the people around me wrote a few paragraphs. Despite my mental block, I was able to come up with a fear I could clarify easy enough.

When we are little, we love to explore new things. We try and do things that may not work, just for the sake of discovering something we didn’t know before. One thing I used to love was getting myself into was small places. If I saw a little cubby of some sort the first question I would ask myself was, “I wonder if I could fit in there.”

(Now if you haven’t noticed, the last word people would use to describe me is small. Most have growth spurts through middle and high school. Mine happened to take place my entire adolescence. My parents took many videos of my music programs when I was in intermediate school—they “wanted to catch every moment.” Watching the video pan across my class, attempting to sing in key, keep panning, and panning, then Boom! There was me, towering over everyone in the top row of the risers.)  

Despite my size, I still attempted to explore every hiding place I could. I don’t remember if there was a traumatic incident where I wasn’t able to get out, but this is where my fear stems from. Now, I no longer try and fit into small spaces, but—besides the fact I am in high school—I am deathly afraid of being stuck in a small space.

I have contemplated the possibility of being claustrophobic, like my mom, but eventually I ruled that out. My mom absolutely will not go into a cave. I have no problem with it. The one link we do have is a fear of the CAT scan. While I am inside, I have to focus on my breathing. And I mean focus. I never open my eyes, because I know just inches away from my face is a sheet, no, an immense wall of plastic. To you this may sound silly but to me it is my worst nightmare. Thousands of questions run through my mind: “what if the machine malfunctions?” “What if I start hyperventilating and they can’t see?” “What if it starts on fire!?!”

The horror movies about being buried alive don’t help my situation at all. They made me think about what will happen when I die? What if I am still alive when I am buried but they just didn’t know it?? ... Maybe I should just stop watching.

Julian Assange and Wikileaks

      It was difficult for me to take a firm stance on Wikileaks. At first I believed that some good may come of Assange's website. Government documents accessible by the general public is a freedom of the press. Americans have a right to know what goes on behind the "government curtain." Many people believe that government is corrupt, and knowing more about what government is really about may loosen them up. This is where my support ends.

      It's a question of whether Wikileaks is beneficial. I personally don't think the leak of these documents will help anyone. They were created for government. Really, they are only on the internet for our entertainment. A vast majority of the people who check Wikileaks will do nothing about the topics discussed. If anything, the articles/video/strategies posted pose a threat. If military strategies are leaked online, anyone can access them. Therefore a country we may be at war with currently, or in the future can get ahold of our strategies and use them against us.

      In my opinion one of the purposes of government is to protect its people from the information found on Wikileaks. Their job is to protect the citizens of this country. This is the reason these documents were deemed private in the first place. If the wrong group of people get ahold of this information, political uproars may begin. As it is people are passionate about politics, and when you add in powerful information like that found on Wikileaks, entire movements may begin. Some may argue that if regular citizens are informed about these issues, we can do something about them. If government thought it fit for us to get involved, the news would have already been released. An argument Julina Assange had about his website was that "these leaks change the world." He of all people should know that the world can change in both beneficial and harmful ways. In his TED interview he mentioned that he receives complaints about the content being to explicit. His argument to the complaints is that the people involved in these events are effected greatly, why can't others at least know, in general, what occurred. As I stated before, it may not be beneficial for others to know. I compare these events to a loss in the family. You are the one who spreads the news to people other than your family. If someone finds out and tells others before you do, you wonder who they thought it was their information to share in the first place. Others may come to support you, but you need support from your own family before outsiders try and intervene.